Put On Your Happy Face

"Marriage does not guarantee you will be together forever -- It's only paper.  It takes love, respect, trust, understanding, friendship and faith in your relationship to make it last." 

Separating from a loved one can be quite painful, yet freeing for both spouses. For those couples who cannot amicably settle their conflicts, there is the added frustration of going to court, having to deal with court and legal fees, and possibly child custody. Statistically speaking, divorce occurs more often than not as a result from financial or communication issues and their reasoning for wanting a divorce is because they didn't see the demon under the mask their spouse was hiding behind.

When a family goes through a separation, the lifestyle and routine of that family is ultimately uprooted as they now have to discover a new living dynamic. The break in routine is quite often very difficult to accept. Mommy and daddy are no longer living together. The child is angry and lonely; feeling as if they were the cause of the sudden reality shift. We as humans are creatures of habit and we do what we are familiar with. However, the path to a happier you is learning to let go of the past and begin to move forward because the only thing that you can focus on is you, and the health and safety of your child(ren). We all make mistakes, and sometimes there's just no way to go back and fix them. But we can move forward, wiser and more in control of our own lives. You have to take care of yourself first before being able to completely move forward in a positive direction.

 

As Mary Krauel (Blogger with Divorce Magazine, and Mediator with PRM Mediation) very eloquently stated in her article Separation and Divorce Means You are No Longer a Married Couple, "There is no 'off' switch". She further writes "there has to be some kind of balance" for couples going through separation. Let me give you some advice; there actually is help all around! You just need to be willing enough to ask or look for it -- and yes, perhaps you will need to open your wallet too. We may live in the 'Land of the Free', but (reality check) nothing in this world is free. You can hire a mediator to help settle disagreements between you and your spouse. Attorney and legal fees may have to be paid if settlements are handled in court. A variety of classes can be ordered by the court for completion in order for them to evaluate who is fit to be legal and physical custodian of the child. 

Here are 7 tips to help guide you in maintaining your happy face in the midst of such uncertainty and heartbreak. 

1. Expect that your children may feel confused, guilty, sad, and/or abandoned in response to the divorce. Acknowledge their feelings as normal and remind them that even though the family is undergoing a major change, you and ex-spouse or ex-partner will always be their parents. 
2. Don't badmouth the other parent in front of the child. Do not use body language, facial expressions, or other subtleties to express negative thoughts and emotions about the other parent. Your child can read you!
3. Maintain as many security anchors as possible for your child
4. Establish a business relationship with your former spouse. The business is the co-parenting of your child.
5.  Transfers can be painful times. Be kind and patient with each other and your children. 
6. Never put your children in a position where they have to choose between their parents or decide where their allegiance lies.  
7. Divorce, in itself, will not destroy your children. It is your reaction to the divorce that has the power to destroy their coping mechanisms.

Quote from WomenWorking

Are Custody Exchange Zones Safe?

Family Care Monitoring Services, Inc. (FCMS) is a member of the Supervised Visitation Network, a membership organization of professionals who provide supervised visitation and supervised exchange services to families at risk. FCMS and the Supervised Visitation Network are deeply concerned with the new trend to offer “safe” exchange zones for both merchandise purchased online and when divorced or separated parents exchange custody of their children.

In the past week there have been at least three violent episodes during custody exchanges at public locations, including shootings in Menifee, California and Middletown, Pennsylvania.

Since 1991, FCMS and other members of the Supervised Visitation Network have understood that custody exchanges of children, especially when there has been domestic violence or child abuse, can be volatile and dangerous if precautions are not taken. When a trained SV professional oversees a custody exchange, they prepare both parties before exchanges begin to understand the safety protocols they put in place to substantially reduce the risk of violence.  These exchange zones for merchandise should NOT be used as safe place to exchange children, especially when there are safety risks are present.

While California does not have any statutes or legislation governing how supervised exchange services are provided and there is no license or certification for SV providers, ACME voluntarily follows the SVN published minimum standards that address all aspects of the provision of services, including a section on providing safety and security for all participants. These standards are post at www.svnworldwide.org

For more information about FAMILY CARE MONITORING SERVICES, INC., PLEASE CALL (818) 780-7370

If you would like more information about supervised exchange protocols and procedures, or to interview SVN Executive Director Joe Nullet, dial (904) 419-7861.