Sunday, January 24, 2016

Today's Virtue: Wear Ugly Glasses

How you speak to your children when they are young can resonate and echo in their minds for years to come, much into their teenage and adult years. If we don’t instill in our young generation the virtues of compassion, honesty, responsibility, and respect, we are dooming our future to a bitter selfish world to live in. The way you communicate with your children can also affect their sense of self-worth, individuality, and independence.



I went to the car wash the other day to get my car cleaned and detailed. As I was waiting for my car to finish, I overheard a discussion between what I am assuming to be a mother and daughter duo. The daughter had tried on a pair of sunglasses, and was met with sarcasm from the mother figure stating, “You think those are fashionable? I don’t think so. Those are (insert curse word) ugly.” As if that wasn’t embarrassing enough, once the daughter put the glasses back where she found them, the mother insisted again, “You really think those are fashionable? Go put them on again and see for yourself.”



In the snippet above, the mother clearly did not show any compassion or respect to the daughter. Instead of praising her daughter for picking out a pair of sunglasses and shifting her focus to a different pair simply because the pair she had on didn’t complement her, she instead made several negative comments. There is a fine line between helpful adult guidance and using your authority to belittle and shame. All children want in their younger years is to be loved, heard, and cared for. Constant negativity and degradation will breed a hesitant and emotionally frightened child, and as a result, affect their sense of self-worth.

Think twice before saying something that may be hurtful to your child. Let your children take risks and encourage them to try new things. Let them stand on their own two feet and make decisions for themselves (age appropriate, of course). Coddling your child will not help them develop into independent, self-providing individuals. Teach them fortitude so they never give up on their dreams; exhibit charity and they will develop a habit of helping others; provide justice so they can learn to be fair and equitable with others.


As Elizabeth Joy (a member from Tumblr, 2013) wrote, ‘Children raised with positivity are our thinkers, our leaders, and our creators… and they are the ones who use their powers for good.  You can create that kind of person with careful parenting.  Or you can inadvertently crush a young soul with neglect or hostility…’ Which path would you choose?

Wednesday, January 20, 2016

To Divorce, or not to divorce?

​​As the divorce rate for the older generation increases, we continually ask the question “Should you stay in an unhappy marriage for the children, or choose the path of divorce?”  The debate over this question has definitely sparked an interest among people for many years. The reasons for a divorce are yours and yours alone. You should never do something that society believes is the ‘correct’ way, because there is no correct way. No one travels down the same path. However, there are a lot of factors to consider when determining whether or not divorce is the best option for you.

First and foremost, the biggest factor in determining whether or not to divorce is finances. We’ve heard it time and time again that finances is one of the top reasons spouses choose to divorce. In this regard, this mostly deals with one spouse not having strict control over their spending habits, forcing them to max out all their active credit cards.  However, the path to divorce is pretty pricey as well. If you retain a lawyer, you have to pay lawyer fees and consultation fees.  If you have children and choose divorce, one of you will likely have physical custody of your child. In that case, you will most likely have to consider spousal and child support. If you’re of the 25% of the 50 year and older generation that’s getting divorced, you have to consider the possibility that you may no longer have retirement funds, and you may have to go back to work. These are only a few examples of

If you’re not able to have an amicable divorce, then you will also have to consider lawyer and court fees. You will most likely have to take time out of your already busy schedule to find an attorney that you feel will appropriately represent you, unless you know you’re qualified to represent yourself in court. However, if you and your spouse can communicate effectively enough, and be cordial with each other, then a less expensive route is mediation. Mediation is when there is one or more neutral parties present to help resolve a matter brought forth.

Another factor to contemplate is how will it affect your family relationships? Some parents choose not to divorce for ‘the sake of the family.’ The truth of the matter is that it should always be in the best interests of the child. More times than not, parents believe that choosing to stay in a loveless marriage will benefit the children in the long run. However, that is only a myth. Children need a loving supportive system from both parents and if they are around a parenting duo that has a lot of hostility between each other, that child will not benefit much, if at all.


We hope to just shed some light on a few factors that you will have to contemplate on in order to make the best decision for you and your family. There is no clear right answer for everyone. The path to divorce is yours and yours alone to take.