Family Care Monitoring Services wants to bring to you the most
current information on the services we provide. As of 2013, a new California
Rule of Court 5.20 has been prepared. It was amended by Assembly Bill 1674,
both of which are included with this email.
Probably, the most significant change that we noted is the
language as to how we do our job. Previously the Standard 5.20 made strong
suggestions using “should” in the guidelines and now the term is “shall”. We
have always considered as to what we do is directed by the California Rules of
Court. We have our own rules and guidelines regarding how we run our business,
but we take very seriously the changes that have been made. It is our hope that we continue to provide the
continued quality of service that is expected of Supervised Visitation Monitors
and of Family Care Monitoring Services.
Monitoring can be a very emotional journey for all clients and
most especially the children involved in the conflict of divorce or separation.
Our job here at Family Care Monitoring Service, is to make an uncomfortable and
unpleasant experience into as pleasant and comfortable experience for as long
as the supervised visitation is in place. It is our hope that our visiting
parents, your clients will use this experience as a tool to understand and
strengthen their parenting skills; to really learn how to relate to their
children and how to keep their children out of the middle of their conflict
with the other parent.
Supervised Visitation does not favor the affluent or working
class. It runs rampant all across the board no matter the ethnicity, the
educational status, the mental capacity or even how long they have been a
parent.
In the last ten years of my life, as an employee and part of the
staff of Family care Monitoring Services, I have crossed the paths with a multitude
of parents involved in supervised visitation. It has been my experience that
most parents having the requirement of monitoring are angry, confused, unsure,
stressed and resentful. Very seldom, will you find an amicable divorce
requiring monitoring, (it does happen), we see blame being passed back and
forth. Most monitoring is determined in the courtroom. Most times, the
monitored parent does not understand why they are being monitored. Although it
isn’t our job to tell them why they are being monitored, we will try to help
them understand what we do. There are two sides to every story and it is not
our job to take sides and support one or the other. It is our job to do what we
can to facilitate the visit.
Setting Boundaries and the good parent:
What do children really want or even need? In my experience as a
prior Professional Nanny and a Professional Monitor and a Mother, I believe
that all children need love, structure and discipline, rules and boundaries, all
in a healthy balanced doses. It is my experience that Children who are allowed
to ‘Rule the Nest’ crave the need for structure and guidelines! Most of all
Children need security, stability and most of all LOVE! When a child is stuck
in the middle of an ugly custody dispute, a parent can’t always be the friend.
They need to be the parent. Sometimes that involves saying ‘NO’. It involves
being an adult and encouraging a relationship with the other parent. It
involves being supportive and listening to your children. Not putting your
thoughts in their heads. Don’t let your children be damaged by your own anger
and feelings. Not to say that your feelings aren’t important, but your children
don’t need the stress of dealing with your problems as well. You as the parent
must have your own boundaries with your children as well.
Suggestions for visitations:
Parents who come to the visits usually want to or need to bring
food/snacks for their children. We encourage all parents to bring healthy
nutritious food and not junk food. Additionally, it is very helpful if the
custodial parent might advise the non-custodial parent of any food allergies
that the children might have. Food can be an argumentative subject with
parents, who may not be amicable. This helps to stop friction in between
visits.
Parents should plan activities in advance with off-site
visitations lasting more than a couple of hours. Have a main plan and perhaps a
couple of contingency plans in case of inclement weather or the child not
feeling well. If the child is old enough to participate in the planning, do
something that is age appropriate for the child. We know that visitations in
themselves are high ticket items, so if your child wants to go shopping, you
need to set guidelines in advance or find some other activity to do with the
child. A parent can find a lot of free and interesting activities to do with
their child on the internet.
On-site visitation is a little more difficult to plan activities.
If your children are school aged, help them with their homework, or show them
you support the activities they are involved in. Listen to your children. It
matters
We hope you find this information useful and that you might pass
it on to your clients. We look forward to working with you on your next case. If
you need additional information, we have access to many resources on different
subjects ranging from: Domestic Violence, Sexual abuse and child abduction,
grief, etc.
